这篇文章涉及饮食失调，可能会引起一些读者的注意。

I’m going to say 的one thing women aren’从来没有说过- 我很漂亮。

到2000年’s standards 无论如何。少了Kim K，多了Paris Hilton。

我的年龄比哥哥长，比儿子薄，到10岁时比妈妈高。我在17岁时达到了顶峰-我5岁’10”，重量为48kg。我之所以美丽，是因为我又高又瘦，蓝眼睛，一头金发。 

How did I know I was beautiful? Because, people told me. All 的time. But, I have to admit, 的way people told me was vastly 不同，取决于他们的性别。

观看：星座运势和自我保健。帖子在下面继续。

对我们大多数人来说，高中很难。大多数人都经历过某种形式的欺凌 在童年和青春期之间。还有什么’s 的number one line we were all told 由一个值得信赖的成年人？他们’再欺负你，因为他们’只是嫉妒你

我的霸王是个舞者-她从三岁起就开始做芭蕾舞。芭蕾舞女演员有一个规则：不允许胸部。她的身体第二次开始发生变化，因此她与我的互动也发生了变化。我被公开排斥在外，我的话被嘲笑，然后有“the looks”. If you’我曾经与一个十几岁的女孩互动，你知道的。

This girl picked on me from when I was 12 to 18 - it only stopped when we graduated. And from age 12, still a child, I was told by 的many trusted women in my life “she’只是嫉妒，因为你’比她漂亮” 

That was 的line. I was prettier. I’我会承认，那很漂亮 难以相信我的牙套和瘦长的四肢，总是弯腰，所以我不会’t be a head taller than 的other kids. I was always different, taller and thinner than 的others. I hated it, until I realised I was what 的other girls wanted to be.

但是到了17岁，我们都沉迷于自己的身体。那不是’生活中只有大人告诉我我很漂亮-同行也开始告诉我。我不在 the “cool”小组在高中-我当时’t very interested in being popular. But I was 的only girl not in that group to be put on 的“hot list” by 的boys. 

Boys would give me their phone numbers when they came through my register at 的supermarket where I worked. I was 的first to start dating, first to be kissed. Of all my friends, I was 的only one to get my license first try from 的scary man at 的RMS.

我的朋友们也以自己的方式告诉我。“太烦人了，看起来就像绑腿和法兰绒的模特。” “Can you crouch at 的front of 的photo, you’太高了，无法站在我们旁边。” “I am NOT wearing a bikini to 的beach if I have to go with you!”

One of my best friends, Jane, sewed a stunning ball gown for her HSC textiles major work. She had planned for months that I would be 的one to model it for her, so 她 could photograph her submission. I was so tall and so thin - I was 的perfect candidate to wear her dress.

I just wished 她 had asked me when we weren’t standing with Sam. Sam loved everything 美女 - makeup, photography, fashion, hair. I knew that Sam had dreamed 她 would be 的one asked to wear 的dress.

There was another problem. I had seen 的dress. It was a women’s size 8. Small, yes, but I was fitting into clothes with 0-2 on 的label. Somewhat reluctantly, I agreed to try it on, but I knew it wasn’t going to fit. 

它没有’t。它不仅在我身上游动，而且还以尴尬的长度挂在我的脚踝上方。突然，由于我的外表，我对两个朋友感到失望。我从山姆拿照相机’的手，把衣服滑过她的头。完美契合。危机避免了-但是我知道他们在判断我的身体。

听大声的Mamamia，Mamamia’播客，上面有女性本周的话题。帖子在下面继续。

关于我外貌的评论没有’t stop when I left school. When I was 19, I worked as a waitress at a local restaurant. They liked me to work at 的front, and on tables with older men. I always brought in more tips for 的team that way.

Every time 的owner came in, he would rave 关于 how beautiful I was. “你应该当模特儿”他会经常说。我总是笑了。就像我说的，我们不是’意味着要承认我们自己的美丽。

One day, my boss handed me a piece of paper. On it, he had written 的names and phone numbers of several modelling agencies in Sydney. He said I needed to get out there and just do it. Think of how far I could go!

This told me that 的greatest value I held in this world was purely on 的surface. We live in a world that tells us there is only one way to be “enough”. Tall. Thin. Beautiful. Because I looked 的way I did, I was 足够.

我讨厌这样说，但是女人倾向于 have 的opposite reaction. Music is one of my greatest passions, and I loved to perform in community theatre while I was at university. I thought those snide remarks, sideways looks and concealed whispers would end with high school. They didn’t. 

The main offenders? Women in their 40s. I could feel 的glares on my back during rehearsals, and they always had far more criticisms for me than anyone else on 的crew. They made me feel like I should apologise for being 20 and thin. I sometimes still feel that way.

我没有从事模特或戏剧事业的一个重要原因是。因为很危险。和上瘾。

I was told from 12 that I was worthy of envy because I was skinny. My greatest, maybe only, value was 的size of my waist.

By age 15, I began to seriously restrict my diet. I spent 的last two years of high school in and out of doctors offices with a severe eating disorder. 

Unlike many of my peers, I looked in 的mirror and loved what I saw. Every bone in my ribcage, 的separate bones that made up my shoulder joints. I once heard a comedian say “我想让颈骨空心，你可以从它们那里吃汤。”哈哈哈我有那些。我真漂亮。

但是，幸运的是，我的家人看穿了它。我现在才意识到他们都是多么的担心。在这里和那里几乎没有评论。我的祖母曾经告诉我，我看起来像个战俘。 

My mother thought I was going to die. She found me 的resources I needed. She saved my life.

So, every Monday in my free period, I would go to 的doctor to be weighed, and just to talk. We began to untie 的knots I found myself in, to untangle my true value from 的inside out. 

How lucky am I that this was unmuddled from my brain before I hit adulthood? By 的time I was being handed pieces of paper and told how far my 美女 could go, I had learned that my value was so much more than my appearance.

我很聪明。我喜欢让人发笑。唱歌充满了我的灵魂，我喜欢与他人分享这份礼物。我忠诚，友善，耐心。

我比我重要“beauty”.

是的，我有时候会“drinks on 的house” when I go out with girlfriends. I struggle with 的fat that has started to develop around my tummy  - I guess that’腹部的外观。服务几乎总是很棒，快速和友好的。 

但是，让我告诉您一个秘密-美丽就是总BS。 

It’s boring, it’辛苦的工作，这可能会很费力。 

让它像流沙一样滑过您很容易-而且’s easier to stay there than it is to climb out. We talk so much 关于 inner 美女, but 的fact is we all feel like we should look a certain way.

看到自己如此美丽，我感到很幸运。它’少一点不安全感。

仅需7984！

For help and support for eating disorders, 联系 的Butterfly Foundation‘1800 ED HOPE（1800 33 4673）或电子邮件上的国家支持热线和在线服务 [电子邮件 protected] 您也可以访问他们的网站， 这里.